The Democratic Party received a major shock today when several politicians revealed that they are either resigning, not running for re-election or refusing to wear underwear on international flights. Analysts fear that public backlash against the Obama administration’s current policies has diminished chances for the “permanent Democratic majority” once hoped for.
In addition to Senators Dorgan and Dodd and Governor Bill Ritter of Colorado, the following individuals have announced their exit from the political stage:
*Vice President Joe Biden will step down next month in order to become the C.E.O. of Wah Wah, the private firm handling Lady Gaga’s investments and beauty appointments.
*Senator Al Franken (Minn.) has suspended his term in office, calling for a recount of all votes cast in his controversial win over Norm Coleman, this time without his Uncle Leo in the room.
*Fortney H. “Pete” Stark, longtime Congressman from California, has accepted the position of Chief of the Nootsy-Uubu peoples and will join the tribe in Tanakut, Canada while a permanent location is being built in Beverly Hills.
*Democratic leaders Harry Reid (Nev.) and Nancy Pelosi (Ca.) have eloped and are expected to honeymoon in Cuba and at the Infidel Dog All-Inclusive Palace in downtown Tehran. They plan to develop a reality series exposing the health hazards of facial wrinkling in the elderly.