Hugo Chavez’s Plan to Help Economy

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez is fed up.  After listening to months of complaints from his constituents about shortages of electricity, water, garbage removal and those little pins that keep grenades from exploding, the controversial Communist leader went to the airwaves today to advise his people on how to cope with the country’s deteriorating economy, and to announce the purchase of 2,000 tanks from Russia.

“We must be proud Communists, but wise ones, too,” he said during a 14 hour speech.  “Last week I said to conserve water and take only a three minute shower.  Today I change my mind.  From now on all people are to wash with lightly moistened bucare leaves, then rub up against a large dog.”

Chavez’s new directives include the following:

*No more ice cream cones allowed – all scoops must be put directly into the hand.

*Any comrade caught hoarding extra cans of gas, or even making “Vroom!  Vroom!” sounds will be flogged with commemorative scarves from President Chavez’s last inaugural ball.

*All goats and chickens are to be immediately adopted by their owners and given their own bedroom, thus falling under the domain of the “Don’t Eat Your Child” law passed during the last famine.

*In lieu of corn meal, ground-up surplus posters of President Chavez will be used when making arepas.  Yum yum!

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Published in: on November 13, 2009 at 1:48 PM  Leave a Comment  

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