President Obama: Unhappiness is Unfair

President Obama has decided to solve another one of the United States’ most shameful inequalities, and he’s calling it no laughing matter.

“There is a crisis of happiness in America today,” said Obama during an appearance at the Main Street Parade in Walt Disney World in Orlando.  “For far too long those of us who are happy have ignored the needs of the unhappy.  This is a shameful repudiation of what the Framers of the Constitution desired.  All Americans deserve to be happy, if not on a daily basis, at least more frequently than waiting for the Cubs to win the World Series.”

The president has challenged Democratic leaders in Congress to come up with legislation designed to ensure happiness is distributed to all citizens equally.  Senate Majority leader Harry Reid immediately denounced “the hoarders of mirth, the giddy, the perky extremists of the selfish right who have forced many into the abyss of depression and bad breath.”  When asked, Reid denied that he was unhappy – just “mildly blase”.

The senator went on to describe selected details of a new bill including restrictions on joke-telling and pratfalls in the more cheerful suburbs, a “public option” sit-com financed by the NEA, distributing whoopee cushions to the crestfallen and commissioning a Chamber of Anguish to monitor antidepressant therapy in medically qualified applicants or campaign donors.

Publicity for the president’s new program has already started.  A new poster of Obama will be unveiled Saturday at the annual Angry Left Parade in New York.  According to the designing artist, President Obama sports a Moe Howard haircut above the words “HOPE YER HAPPY”, painted in large block letters.

Published in: on November 16, 2009 at 5:43 PM  Leave a Comment  

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