White House Reveals More Terrorist Attempts on U.S.

Under pressure from Andrew Breitbart and Kanye West, the Obama administration today released the details of several other attempted terrorist attacks in 2009 previously withheld from the media.

The information, considered highly classified and known only to President Obama, a handful of his top advisors and the Yemeni Vocational Arts Club, reveals a surprising increase in hostilities against the United States despite Obama’s friendly demeanor toward mideastern nations, not to mention the 250,000 Happy Meals he air-dropped over Tehran on Christmas Eve.

Among the incidents recorded:

1. A woman bringing a stuffed moose across the Minnesota border was detained after agents found dozens of expired cans of Beef-a-Roni and an autographed photo of Wayne Newton in the animal’s interior.

2. Two men were arrested at Yellowstone Park after attempting to light their clothes on fire.  They were found to have jumbo hot dogs strapped to their waists and legs.  Authorities are still determining if their goal was to produce terrorism or just lunch.

3. On June 3rd a man was seen on the Brooklyn Bridge yelling “Pull!”, then throwing what witnesses claim was a Joe Biden Chia Pet into the East River.  He is still at-large.

4. Susan Boyle was detained in Boston’s Logan Airport after smiling to a TSA agent, breaking his eyeglasses as well as six x-ray machines.

5. A Labrador retriever defecated on the White House lawn and then eluded at least twelve Secret Service agents, jumping the West Executive Avenue fence.  It was last seen on G Street.

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Published in: on December 29, 2009 at 5:07 PM  Leave a Comment  

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