President to Bow Across Country, Host Oscars

The Obama administration has several announcements of importance today, which can be read in detail on the new web site  Some of the highlights:

*The President will begin a “bowing” tour next month, where he will travel cross-country by bus, performing salaams, genuflections, curtsies and other acts of obeisance to any citizen with a properly vetted grievance against the United States.  Applications to receive a bow will be taken online, and must be limited to post-Civil War atrocities.  Former Communists, yellow-bellied war protesters, overwrought cable television hosts and the churlish are encouraged to apply – only one act of contrition per person, please.

*Hermann Goering, Heinrich Himmler and Josef Goebbels will be exhumed, given new uniforms and flown to downtown New York City to go on trial for alleged naughty-naughties during World War II.  Live coverage of the proceedings will be shown on the Bravo Channel except during “The Real Housewives of Atlanta.”

*President Obama will host the 82nd annual Academy Awards next February, replacing Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin.  Obama will narrate a salute to the election of 2008, sing all five of the nominees for Best Song, and challenge Clint Eastwood to a fistfight during commercials.

*Vice President Joe Biden and international celebrity Levi Johnston (father of former Alaska governor Sarah Palin’s grandson Tripp) will judge a very special episode of “American Idol” next year, where contestants will be required to sing the classic ballads “They Can Put Me in Prison, But They Can’t Stop My Face From Breakin’ Out”, “Do Your Ears Hang Low?” and “How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You, When You Know I’ve Been a Liar All My Life?”

Published in: on November 17, 2009 at 12:13 PM  Leave a Comment  

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