George Soros Announces Plan to Save Us All

Billionaire hedge-fund investor George Soros is leading a new fight to destroy the selfishness and elitism that he claims have ruined the global economy as well as the orchids in his greenhouse.

“The time for greedily pursuing the accumulation of wealth, not to mention food and shelter is over,” said Soros during a lecture in Beijing to local Party leaders.  “I am sending my list of solutions to President Obama and will fund these fully with the two billion I made shorting U. S. stocks last year.”

Some of the proposals Soros recommends to save the world community:

-Changing all first names to “Friend”, such as “Hello, Friend Jolie – how is Friend getting along with her siblings?”

-Replacing all monetary transactions with a game of rock-paper-scissors (must win two out of three for large appliance purchases).

-Charging those who make more than $50,000 per year for their use of atmospheric oxygen.

-Adopting the notable but controversial lifestyle of his mentor, philosopher Karl Popper, including wandering aimlessly, laughing “Har-de-har-har” three times a day and, in times of trouble, holding hands with a chimpanzee.

Soros, 79, is the author of the popular best sellers Goddamn, I’m Rich! and Why You Must Hate Yourself:  A Guide for Slobbering Americans.

Published in: on November 5, 2009 at 3:42 PM  Leave a Comment  

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