Conservative Party Candidate Shakes Up Race

An off-year election in western Iowa appears to be heading toward a national confrontation between conservatives, Republicans and Democrats.  Jess J. Johanson, an 97 year old retired fan-belt inspector has emerged as the Conservative Party candidate in what has turned into a three-way race for Pottawattamie County Auditor.

Mr. Johanson, a long-time resident of the Pushing Up Daisies retirement home in Minden, Iowa, has not spoken for several years according to his family, but in a surprise move last month he filed to run for County Auditor on the Conservative Party ticket.  Former Alaska governor Sarah Palin, radio host Rush Limbaugh and someone resembling deceased wrestler “Captain” Lou Albano have been spotted in the Minden area, fueling rumors of a push to bring Johanson into the race as an alternative to candidates Zing Winger, a former Socialist and moderate Republican, and the Democratic candidate whose name escapes this writer.

Reaction from the mainstream media has been fierce.  “I told you that all conservatives are rutabagas, evil mongers and lip-synchers,” said distinguised and very important columnist Frank Rich in an interview in Spittle magazine.

“They say Johanson is a war hero, church leader, devoted father and husband, but such adjectives are merely code-words for sexism, anti-anti-familyism and hoop-de-do-ism,” wrote Maureen Dowd.  “Plus, I say he’s a wanker.”

President Obama is expected to make an appearance tomorrow with the Democratic candidate whose name no one seems to know, while several prominent Pottawattamie County Republicans are hosting a rock-throwing party somewhere “in the vicinity” of Mr. Johanson’s nursing home.

Published in: on November 3, 2009 at 6:40 PM  Leave a Comment  

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