Nancy Pelosi Withdraws Health Care Legislation

In a surprise move, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi announced today that she is withdrawing the 1,990 page health care bill from consideration and is replacing it with new legislation outlawing all medical care, from delivery of babies to execution by lethal injection.  Violators will receive a variety of penalties ranging from fines to imprisonment to death by lethal self-injection.

“The time for profiteering on the backs of hard-working Americans is over,” Pelosi said.  “Health care’s rising costs are a direct result of greedy providers providing excessive medical care to those who work hard.  This new bill makes it illegal to treat any illness, injury or awkwardness in achieving an erection.”

Pennsylvania representative John Murtha immediately added an amendment excluding members of Congress from the legislation.  The bill will now work its way through the committee system, where lobbyists will be expected to stuff plain brown envelopes in the right bottom drawer of each chairman’s desk.

The House Speaker flies out later today for a visit with the troops in London, Paris and a 17th century villa near Siena, Italy.

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Published in: on November 2, 2009 at 9:29 AM  Leave a Comment  

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