Obama Proclaims Recession Has “Gone Bye-Bye”

President Barack Obama will announce today in a Rose Garden ceremony that the recession is almost certainly close to being declared likely coming to an end in the near futureNew figures released by the government show encouraging signs, such as major decreases in inventories of kerosene heaters, used clothing and cardboard signs.

Despite an unemployment rate of 10 percent and an unusual decision by McDonald’s to convert all 10,000 of its restaurants into crematories, Obama administration officials are optimistic about the economy.

“America is coming back,” declared Arlis von Sprechzing, the Unemployment Czar.  “The President today will announce major new stimulus packages, such as $500 to audition for ‘American Idol,’ or one million dollars a day to harass Glenn Beck.  Our ‘Recycle Me First’ plan asks families to bring their deceased loved ones to the nearest McDonalds, where they will be converted into low-cost heating fuel.”

This is the second time this year that an end to all human suffering has been announced, the other being in August when the White House revealed that secret negotiations done by Secretary of State Hillary Clinton prevented an invasion from Mars.

Published in: on October 27, 2009 at 1:20 PM  Leave a Comment  

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