Al Gore Announces New Plan to Cut Global Warming

Former Vice President Al Gore, winner of an Oscar, a Grammy, an Emmy, a Webby and the Bush is Evil Award (formerly known as the Nobel Peace Prize) announced today that he has single-handedly devised a solution to the global warming crisis.

“After months of deep concentration and preening, I have solved the problem of global warming,” said the visionary.  “Using leftover federal stimulus funds and what’s left of Bank of America CEO Ken Lewis’s 401k account, my Green is Good energy company will mount tens of thousands of massive high speed solar fans across the globe.

“Once in place, these energy-neutral fans will be pointed toward the the east, thus slowing down and eventually bringing the Earth’s rotation to a stop.  This will leave the entire western hemisphere, including the United States, permanently in the dark and effectively reduce travel and economic activity to levels not seen since the 17th century.  Dear Mother Earth will once again be able to breathe with ease.”

When asked how the fans would be powered in total darkness, Mr. Gore replied “That’s for me to know and you to find out.”  He then exited the room on a velvet litter carried by members of a local body-building club.

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Published in: on October 15, 2009 at 2:50 PM  Leave a Comment  

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