Unemployment Rate Falls to minus-9%

The percentage of unemployed Americans fell dramatically over the weekend when Congress, in a rare 3 A.M. Sunday morning session, passed a bill re-defining the term.

“America has always been about hope,” stated Congressman Barney Frank (D, Mass).  “Now, with the election of President Obama, it is about hope and change.  We understand the importance of change, and believe this bill will change the prevailing atmosphere in America to one more in line with what the president desires for our citizens – and that is hope.”

The new bill defines “unemployed” as being “unable to perform such duties as walking, seeing, sitting, lying, speaking, listening or breathing.”

Based on the number of registered voters in Cook County, the actual unemployment rate will now drop to the negative side of the chart.  Frank’s statement was greeted with praise from Democratic leaders, while, in an apparent publicity stunt, every living Nobel laureate in Economics announced plans to commit hara-kiri, save Paul Krugman.

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Published in: on October 12, 2009 at 8:50 AM  Leave a Comment  

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